[Humour is a pre-requisite to health. If you're not happy, you're not healthy. To ensure that me and my readers live a long and healthy life, here is a piece that I hope will tickle your funny bone.]
[Disclaimer : I am an X-Files fan. Always have been. So weird conspiracies are like music to my ears! Long live Mulder and Scully!]
From time unknown the tradition of the celebration of Christmas is marked by the presence of a strange yet highly jolly old man. Yes, I'm talking about Santa Claus. In most western superpowers, children are taught to love, respect and trust this figure from a very tender age. No matter which way the economy turns, Santa Claus remains a constant in the lives and hearts of people world-wide. However, what no one suspects is that Santa Claus is at the centre of a diabolical scheme to premanently shift the focus of the power balance in the favour of a select few. There is after all, a very good reason why he is jolly. Today (or tonight, depending on your time zone), I will reveal to you the machinations behind this arctic megalomaniac.
Over the years, the biggest, most powerful companies in the world have always been energy companies. In older times, it was the coal companies and now it is the oil companies. These companies have always had the need to deal with people of disrepute to ensure that their position at the top of the power ladder remain a constant while still appearing to be legitimate businessmen. The man who makes it all possible, Santa Claus. What is the modus oeperandi of this criminal mastermind you ask? Read on, and all will be revealed......
Santa Claus begins to scout out all the bad children from early on. Every Christmas, he sends them coal to make them associate themselves with the hydrocarbon industry. So, through this yearly conditioning, he has a group of people who know themselves to be 'bad' entering the petroleum industry every year. After all, the petroleum industry does have a lot of dirty work to be done. Also, it might be noted that Santa Claus preys on religious association. As he could not be associated to any religion in communist Russia, Santa Claus takes on the state - approved avatar of "Father Frost" in Russia. He extended his operations there sometime after large deposits of natural gas was found there which turned out to be largest deposit of natural gas in the entire world! By keeping himself out of the religions thriving in the middle east, he ensures that he does not have to send their children any coal. So, every 26th December, the middle east nations wake up to find that their coal reserves have been significantly depleted and this coal has already been laundered all the way to European and American energy superpowers. Now, the children who have no actual use for the coal they receive, readily sell them at low rates to hydrocarbon companies. Every winter, like clockwork, these nations which usually have extremely cold winters suddenly have a surplus of fuel to burn allowing them to make large profits from combined cycle power plant operation. The companies not only make a huge profit, but also get around all the energy trade embargoes. This entire smuggling operation is remotely controlled from Santa Claus's communications nerve - centre hidden somewhere near the Arctic reaches of the North Pole. This is because the electrical disturbance from the Aurora Borealis will foil any attempt to trace his command - centre.
So, where does all this profit go? Well, the money to buy presents for all the good kids in the world has to come from somewhere, right ? These good kids grow up unaware of the oil industry and become upstanding members of society. After all, everyone can't be 'in' on how things work. Santa Claus's 'sleigh' large enough to carry enough presents for every good child in the world indicates the presence of one or more massive oil tankers directly under his operation which are guided along ocean routes by ten tug-boats. The tug - boats are present so that the tanker itself can switch off its massive turbines if required and fool sonar.
The full extent of Santa Claus's diabolical plans are unknown to one and all including me unfortunately. However, I think I can make a good guess. With the rapidly increasing American debt to foreign economies, America will soon have to dig into their strategic oil reserves to pay off the debt with the accrued interest. However, if the gulf countries are still flooding the market with high quality crude at that time, America will get only a fraction of the price for its crude as compared to if the OPEC (Oil and Petroleum Exporting Countries) stopped supplying the global oil market. So, in an effort to decrease the reserves of OPEC and simultaneously increase the American big oil companies reserves, Santa Claus smuggles oil from one country to another. Santa Claus may not have any vested interest in saving the American economy in particular, however, if the American economy goes down, a number of multinational oil companies go down with it. These very companies are the lifelines on which Santa Claus bases his entire operations. He cannot risk them suffering such a fatal blow.
So, at the end of the day, Santa Claus is happy because he's making huge profits, the oil companies are happy because they are making huge profits, the Gulf is happy because.......come to think of it, I don't know why they're happy. Maybe its because they still have most of the oil in the world and with it a huge load of money. Or, maybe they're in the process of cutting a back - door deal with Santa Claus in which he will defect over to their side. Who knows? The truth is out there!
[Disclaimer : I am an X-Files fan. Always have been. So weird conspiracies are like music to my ears! Long live Mulder and Scully!]
From time unknown the tradition of the celebration of Christmas is marked by the presence of a strange yet highly jolly old man. Yes, I'm talking about Santa Claus. In most western superpowers, children are taught to love, respect and trust this figure from a very tender age. No matter which way the economy turns, Santa Claus remains a constant in the lives and hearts of people world-wide. However, what no one suspects is that Santa Claus is at the centre of a diabolical scheme to premanently shift the focus of the power balance in the favour of a select few. There is after all, a very good reason why he is jolly. Today (or tonight, depending on your time zone), I will reveal to you the machinations behind this arctic megalomaniac.
Over the years, the biggest, most powerful companies in the world have always been energy companies. In older times, it was the coal companies and now it is the oil companies. These companies have always had the need to deal with people of disrepute to ensure that their position at the top of the power ladder remain a constant while still appearing to be legitimate businessmen. The man who makes it all possible, Santa Claus. What is the modus oeperandi of this criminal mastermind you ask? Read on, and all will be revealed......
Santa Claus begins to scout out all the bad children from early on. Every Christmas, he sends them coal to make them associate themselves with the hydrocarbon industry. So, through this yearly conditioning, he has a group of people who know themselves to be 'bad' entering the petroleum industry every year. After all, the petroleum industry does have a lot of dirty work to be done. Also, it might be noted that Santa Claus preys on religious association. As he could not be associated to any religion in communist Russia, Santa Claus takes on the state - approved avatar of "Father Frost" in Russia. He extended his operations there sometime after large deposits of natural gas was found there which turned out to be largest deposit of natural gas in the entire world! By keeping himself out of the religions thriving in the middle east, he ensures that he does not have to send their children any coal. So, every 26th December, the middle east nations wake up to find that their coal reserves have been significantly depleted and this coal has already been laundered all the way to European and American energy superpowers. Now, the children who have no actual use for the coal they receive, readily sell them at low rates to hydrocarbon companies. Every winter, like clockwork, these nations which usually have extremely cold winters suddenly have a surplus of fuel to burn allowing them to make large profits from combined cycle power plant operation. The companies not only make a huge profit, but also get around all the energy trade embargoes. This entire smuggling operation is remotely controlled from Santa Claus's communications nerve - centre hidden somewhere near the Arctic reaches of the North Pole. This is because the electrical disturbance from the Aurora Borealis will foil any attempt to trace his command - centre.
So, where does all this profit go? Well, the money to buy presents for all the good kids in the world has to come from somewhere, right ? These good kids grow up unaware of the oil industry and become upstanding members of society. After all, everyone can't be 'in' on how things work. Santa Claus's 'sleigh' large enough to carry enough presents for every good child in the world indicates the presence of one or more massive oil tankers directly under his operation which are guided along ocean routes by ten tug-boats. The tug - boats are present so that the tanker itself can switch off its massive turbines if required and fool sonar.
The full extent of Santa Claus's diabolical plans are unknown to one and all including me unfortunately. However, I think I can make a good guess. With the rapidly increasing American debt to foreign economies, America will soon have to dig into their strategic oil reserves to pay off the debt with the accrued interest. However, if the gulf countries are still flooding the market with high quality crude at that time, America will get only a fraction of the price for its crude as compared to if the OPEC (Oil and Petroleum Exporting Countries) stopped supplying the global oil market. So, in an effort to decrease the reserves of OPEC and simultaneously increase the American big oil companies reserves, Santa Claus smuggles oil from one country to another. Santa Claus may not have any vested interest in saving the American economy in particular, however, if the American economy goes down, a number of multinational oil companies go down with it. These very companies are the lifelines on which Santa Claus bases his entire operations. He cannot risk them suffering such a fatal blow.
So, at the end of the day, Santa Claus is happy because he's making huge profits, the oil companies are happy because they are making huge profits, the Gulf is happy because.......come to think of it, I don't know why they're happy. Maybe its because they still have most of the oil in the world and with it a huge load of money. Or, maybe they're in the process of cutting a back - door deal with Santa Claus in which he will defect over to their side. Who knows? The truth is out there!
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